Thursday, July 17, 2014

What Have You Done For Me Lately? Everything, and Nothing

I'm 37-years-old, married, and perfectly healthy. I've carried two children to term without any life-threatening problems, and could probably do it again. I'm terrifically fond of my IUD. I can't say what it cost, because my insurance paid for it. My husband gets said insurance through his employer, and I must say, not making a fuss over the IUD was in every's interest. I'd be much more expensive without it.

In an indirect way, I think it adds to my physical and mental health, in the sense that neither of these things would benefit from an indefinite number of pregnancies and children. But that's not why it's here. It's here to keep me from getting pregnant. Because my husband and I do not want any more children. Other benefits are just bonuses. Mirena only has one job here, and it does it remarkably well. You'll be prying Satan's Tree from my cold, dead uterus.

Despite my 10-year-old daughter's insistence, it would be hard on my family to have another child. My husband's health is a concern, as is our financial situation. But the conversation never got that far. We decided to not to have more children before we knew Jeremy was sick, or and we were a little more optimistic that we wouldn't be broke forever than we are now. We stopped having children because we were done. That's all.

If I got pregnant with a third child, we would be shocked and very upset. Until we got over it, accepted it, and integrated it into our family, loving the heck out of it and wondering how we could have ever thought life was complete without it. Children numbers 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10? I think there would come a time when I didn't have it in me to be a fool for my kids anymore. I'd love them, but I wouldn't enjoy them. I'd rather not find out.

I don't have a dramatic story to tell, because birth control is in my life for the express purpose of keeping things uneventful. It does that job with admirable consistency. It's relieved me from something that, for the vast majority of human history, was just a part of life. A stressful, traumatic, time-consuming, energy sucking part of life. That I don't have to worry about more children is something my great-grandparents could never have dreamed of. As unimaginable as if you told me I never had to see a fly again (yes, I'm aware that flies are super-important to the ecosystem, but the point is, they're gross and I have to see them every day).

What's your story? Are you a kid with your own room? A woman who hates kids? A college student who only has one sibling, enabling your parents to pay your tuition? A man who has somehow not impregnated every woman you've ever been with, so you never, ever have to see that crazy girl you dated for two months when you were 17 again? An elderly widow who can't afford to send a birthday check to one more grandchild? Was your divorce relatively simple, because you had no children? Tell me your non-story.


  1. I have two kids 5 years apart and I got to enjoy both babyhoods of my children because they weren't both babies at the same time. Thanks birth control! #boringandproud

  2. I also am a happy + proud Mirena user. Mine "expires" in January and I'll get another one put right back in. I love kids and can't wait to be an aunt but I've never wanted kids of my own. Birth control allows me the freedom to determine my life as I deem fit.

    It also doesn't hurt the the Mirena has significantly improved my day-to-day life. Not only does it control my mindbogglingly painful cramps, it's also stopped my anemia and saves me significant money personal hygiene products. It's truly not overstating it to say that it's changed my life.

    1. Is this thing great, or what? I tried birth control pills once. Result? I would come home from work at 4:30, and cry for the rest of the evening. No thanks.